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New Party manifesto...?

The following is an extract from Jamie Hutchinson's newsletter of 30th April 2010. Jamie owns and runs The Sampler in Islington, London, UK. It is a great shop which allows you to taste loads of wines before you buy, including some top notch wines that you'll probably never to be able to afford - I recently drank Petrus there. Anyway, this made me laugh, so I thought I'd share it with you... P.S. "Ivy" is his dog...

"Excited by the upcoming elections? Nope, neither am I. But I do enjoy the increased level of mail I am receiving – all these pamphlets and newslettersTh make me realise that I have a lot more friends than I thought, I just don’t see them very often. I think I will weigh them up and vote for the one that sent me the least, purely on lack of irritation grounds.

I’m not too sure about the rules, but I reckon that if we get a move on and form a party, there are enough samplers out there to give the big boys a run for their money. As a first stab at a political manifesto, I propose and Ivy seconds the following:

  • Constant Icelandic volcanoes to keep all forms of immigration in check
  • Only the words “yes”, “no” and “margaux” can be used to answer a direct question in any interview
  • Eating out to be fully tax deductible, and to form a legitimate career path for the unemployed and empty-stomached
  • Import tax to be negative on sherry, champagne, old rioja, riesling, and beaujolais. Pinotage tax to double.
  • The compulsory playing with Border collies to form part of the winter heating allowance. (not my idea – I had to compromise to get cross party support on this one)
  • The cabinet to be formed of great, dead, winemakers. Max Schubert for president, Henri Jayer for Minister for Culture, and Barbara Woodhouse for Minister for Prisons and Schools (again, not my idea)
  • The deficit to be tackled deftly and with great aplomb without spelling out anything remotely specific. We need to stay real on this point, no point in being unrealistic

So, vote for us. We may not help anything, but you may be too tipsy to notice."